Ever since I was little, there’s something I just do not like about it. Back then it was probably something to do with my alcoholic dad taking us all out to pubs and getting into arguments with people (that’s a looooong story for another day) and so I connected the two in my head and started to get anxious when it was dark.
But I don’t know why it’s carried on until now. You would think it would have just faded out of my head gradually right. But, no. And even though winter has it’s many lovely sides (though why WHY does Xmas start earlier every year I mean COME ON), the fact that the clocks will soon turn back doesn’t bode well with me at all, haha.
I suppose it’s like a trapped sort of feeling? Like, when the sun disappears and everything turns grey and then black and suddenly you can’t go outside because, well, because you can’t see anything, it just makes me feel odd and not great. Plus, my compulsive thoughts come out a LOT more in the evenings. I don’t know why. There shouldn’t be a reason for it but then again, OCD isn’t exactly reasonable is it? Ha.
I try to distract myself as best I can; read a book, watch something on Netflix etc etc. But my mind wanders so bad. I can never just concentrate on one thing. It’s like my head is constantly on a ‘worry’ setting and I just can’t switch it off.
Merh. One day this will get easier. Just got to look forward to that day. In the meantime, tomorrow is a new start. And before that, there is DAVID ATTENBOROUGH’S NEW SHOWWWWWW WOOP WOOP!!!!
Kinda. Excited.
Night all xx
sprinklingofsunshineandpie 