So I’m sat at home, tucked under a duvet and sipping hot tea. Cowboy Traders is on (mazin) and I’m trying to ignore the fact I have a nasty headache and achy bones.
Oh sick days! An unpleasant mix of guiltily ringing up your manager, and then festering in all your germs for the remainder of the day, popping painkiller pills left right and centre.
So it’s a rubbish situation anyway. But of course, my head likes to make life more difficult in any way it can.
When I’m sat at home doing practically nothing, my depression has a field day… There’s more opportunity to worry, to ruminate, to focus on negative things. I try to keep myself busy: I’m watching telly, playing with my dog… But all I want to do is simply relax, but it feels almost impossible to do that.
Is it so much to ask to have a quiet mind that doesn’t make me hate myself? I’m so tired of feeling like this. There’s only so many times you can tell yourself that everything’s okay. When it feels like the complete opposite 😦
And now I know the TRUE pure feeling of TGIF.
Technically I got the job about six weeks ago. Its taken so long because there was a lot of faffing with references and background checks etc. It’s with the NHS, just doing some admin work… But it’s a proper, full time, 9-5 job- and it’s good 🙂
My second day (last week) I had a bit of a meltdown and ended up bursting into tears in front of coworkers, which was bloody fantastic, as you can imagine. Everything just got to me all at once- such an overload of new information and at such a fast pace; I wanted to know and learn everything all in one go and to ‘get’ it instantly, but of course it’ll take weeks for me to get to grips with this new job. I think I just put too much pressure on myself and then PANIC!
Never mind. There’s so much more that I want to talk about (including an incredible trip to the HP Studios in Watford and a lot of ups and downs with my OCD) but for now I just wanted to update any readers and also myself on where I am in life right now.
Time for dinner and a bath, and an early night… Oh the joys of working full time! 😉 jokes, I love it.
Night all x