So I’m sat at home, tucked under a duvet and sipping hot tea. Cowboy Traders is on (mazin) and I’m trying to ignore the fact I have a nasty headache and achy bones.
Oh sick days! An unpleasant mix of guiltily ringing up your manager, and then festering in all your germs for the remainder of the day, popping painkiller pills left right and centre.
So it’s a rubbish situation anyway. But of course, my head likes to make life more difficult in any way it can.
When I’m sat at home doing practically nothing, my depression has a field day… There’s more opportunity to worry, to ruminate, to focus on negative things. I try to keep myself busy: I’m watching telly, playing with my dog… But all I want to do is simply relax, but it feels almost impossible to do that.
Is it so much to ask to have a quiet mind that doesn’t make me hate myself? I’m so tired of feeling like this. There’s only so many times you can tell yourself that everything’s okay. When it feels like the complete opposite 😦
BUT ITS A NEW YEAR WHICH MEANS NEW STARTS AND LALALA ALL THAT SCHPEEL.
Okay so I haven’t been on here in a long while. To be perfectly honest, I thought I was rubbish at writing a blog… Or maybe I just became too lazy. A mix of both perhaps.
But then I thought- you created this in the first place to try and help you deal with certain emotions and behaviours in a healthier way. Writing things down, meeting new lovely people, having an interesting hobby to engage myself in. If I spend, and waste, so much time acting out anxious and upsetting behaviour (i.e my OCD) then surely I have enough time and energy to do this as well.
As well as writing about mental health and using this as a means of self-help, my blog-writing was also supposed to be a way of expressing how I feel about the stuff that I bloody well love! Namely: FOOD! and DOGS! and TRAVELLING! and THE ONES I LOVE! etc etc. You see where I’m coming from.
So. Even though I’m a bit late (but better late than never, right?), I am announcing herewith and dedicating myself to a 2015-wonderful-and-awesome-thing: using this fantastic site a whole lot more and being more confident in myself to do so.
See you shortly. I’m excited.